A couple of weeks ago I chose to have one of my cats euthanized. Such a loaded word… and yet it hardly conveys the struggle. Chloe was nearly 12 and I had had her since she was weaned. Unfortunately, she had recurring issues with constipation. Basically, everything worked great except her intestines; she’d keep “filling up” and was miserable. Her last bout took only two weeks, during which time she lost nearly 3 pounds and was in a lot of pain. So, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, it was time. She was already at the vet, so my husband drove me there to see her. She’d always hated the vet anyway, but she was really glad to see me. It broke my heart to think she thought I was there to take her home. Funny how little things hit you too – I was sad I hadn’t planned well enough to bring along some of her favorite treats… but thankfully the vet did have a slicker brush. She adored being brushed, and would often brush her own face by rubbing her cheek on the brush on the floor.
My husband filled out the paperwork while I brushed her, over and over. She clung to me in a way she normally didn’t – I think perhaps she knew. The vet gave her a sedative and she slowly relaxed, hugging me like an infant might. I held her close, then the vet came in again, shaved her arm and gave her an injection. Part of me was glad she was no longer in pain, part of me was outraged that her life was over so quickly. It seemed she was gone in an instant – almost like falling sleep, no fanfare, no big event… it was just over. Again, it’s funny how things strike you in times of stress and emotional turmoil – when I was hugging her for the last time, the sharpness of the alcohol the vet had wiped on her arm in my nose, and Chloe’s eyes… wide open but lifeless and blind… I will never forget that moment.
Emotionally I struggle with “did I do the right thing?”… I know she was in near-constant pain and now she is not… and intellectually I know she is better off, and I do not expect to see her when I come home from work… but my heart sinks a bit each afternoon when there is only one little face to greet me.
April 26th, 2007 at 9:17 am
I just read this and am heartbroken. I haven’t seen Chloe in a number of years, but we go back. We had good memories (hitting the crumpled ball with her paw through the railing over and over and over, sitting in the tub drinking the water dripping down her arm, making fun of her weight, tons of shedding, slinking against outside of the door afraid of being outside trying to get inside, but still enjoying watching birds and other things through the window). We got along. She trusted me. I also feel for Zoe because her only buddy is now gone. I know this was a tough decision, but I also know that you wouldn’t have made that decision if you didn’t consider everything and it wasn’t the right decision. The way you wrote this blog, I totally feel like I get what you were/are dealing with. I know it’s tough. I think I understand. How are you and Zoe doing?
May 6th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Hey, Seth. I know, it just sucks, doesn’t it? She did still enjoy some of those things, and kitty baseball was a regular thing (the cat tree is 6 feet tall, so I guess it was more like the gravity game you and Marcia probably play with Carrie Rose,
). Zoe really doesn’t seem to miss her too much – you know how they pissed each other off all the time, heh. But I did just get back from a 5 day trip to Yosemite, and Zoe was alone for that time (well, the catsitter came twice a day, but otherwise alone) – wow is she clingy now!
Chloe was cremated and I asked for the remains (I guess the most common option here is mass cremation – you don’t get anyting back). So she’s “here”, in a little cedar box. Someday she’ll get back to NY.
How are you guys?
July 20th, 2007 at 4:28 am
i’m very sorry to hear about your kitty. my cat is my best friend so i understand how heartbroken you must be, and why you did the most loving and unselfish thing anyway and let her go so she’s not in pain anymore.
July 20th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Thanks, Jen… it was very tough. OTOH, Zoe is loving being a single cat!